The Discovery

My one year old daughter woke up screaming at 2:20 this morning.  She’s been having what we think are night terrors the past few days.

Each night it’s happened, I have made a discovery.  Sadly, my overtaxed brain can’t even remember what the discoveries were.  However, today’s discovery is fresh in my mind because as soon as I made the discovery, I lost all feelings of tiredness and I am now fully wired at 3:51am.

Alas, let me reveal the discovery because I really have no good reason to keep it hidden until the end of the post as most bloggers do.  No affiliate links, no money-making-schemes, etc.  (No one wants to sponsor me. 😉 I have only one post besides this new one, and I’ve little spare time to commit to using their products and coming up with a sassy post to support it).

So, alas again, the discovery:

I’m going to stop homeschooling.

I was reading articles, blog posts, rather, on how to entertain my one year old while I teach my Three year old, when I came across an article on why I shouldn’t be homeschooling her yet.  When I was finished reading the third article, I started to cry.  The tears were tears of guilt and a little bit of relief.

I have been homeschooling my eldest, the three year old, since January 2015.  We decided to start then because we didn’t want to wait until she was four and we had missed the boat the previous fall.  I thought I was doing the right thing.  She’s so smart and learns quickly. Why not introduce her to much more and help her brain develop, and just create this super smart pre-preschooler?!  Maybe she’ll be reading by four, four and a half!!!

….

What’s happened instead is that, yes, she’s learning a lot and retaining most of it, but at a high cost.  I have been so consumed with getting homeschooling done right, and early so that the haters surrounding us will no longer be able to trash talk homeschooling, that I have missed the last six months of my children’s childhood. I’ve been so worried about getting through the material, making headway, getting new skills mastered, that I have missed the fun, the laughter, and ended up all but squelching the joy.  I had to write this post or I would never get to sleep.  My heart is so heavy with this sorrow!  I can’t get back what I’ve lost, what we’ve lost, but I can start us in a new direction tomorrow, based on the leading of the Holy Spirit.  He lead me right to those articles which I’d never have seen otherwise. I’m so glad my little one woke me up!  God uses these night wakings to teach me.  Hopefully I can continue to be thankful for them, and praise Him even when I’m exhausted. 🙂

I’m overjoyed to start life at home with my children over again. Tomorrow, well today that is, is a fresh start.  I’m so excited to live, play, laugh, chase, be chased and hear their squeals of delight.  How on earth did I ever think that there was something more important?!  They’ll be five and ready for more organized learning soon enough.  It’s time for us to live now.

I hope this discovery and this change will help with some of the tension we’ve had around our house lately.  Trying to get a one year old to play quietly and a three year old to sit still for learning has been an uphill battle that’s caused many days of strife and unnecessary anger mostly on my part.  Agh! What a bad mother I’ve been!  Okay, so, here’s to forgiving myself and taking steps to change. 🙂

Proverbs 3:5-6