Rebuilding Trust Part I

Children Need a Firm Foundation.

That firm foundation is found in their parents, but there are different faucets in which that foundation is secured.

A healthy, joyful marriage.

Love and respect for one another.

Faith.  Living Faith.

A home.

Where I’m going with this is here: If Mom and Dad don’t have their act together, the kids won’t either. Without a firm foundation, they’ll be like a house of sand, ready to collapse at the first sign of trouble.

Recently I began to notice some dramatic changes in my children.  It wasn’t your typical two and three year old variety tantrums and behavior.  It was more than that.  My children seemed to be lacking confidence in their abilities.  They also had begun cowering when they made mistakes, and lying to cover up mistakes and accidents.  They would go into full out rages if they didn’t get their way. Quite odd for kids who aren’t necessarily spoiled.

When these things started happening, I sat up and took notice, thanks be to God alone!!!  He immediately spoke to my heart and impressed upon me the urgency of the situation that I found us ALL in.  My children did not trust me, they were afraid of me, and they had no self-confidence.  Now, I would love to tell you that this is all in the past and everything has worked out perfectly, but that would be a lie.  It’s all happening right now. In the present.

I have read the many parenting books, blogs, listened to countless radio programs, studied my Bible, and asked many experienced parents for advice.  What I have found is simple, requires a process for change, and is free.

The answer?  I have to rebuild their trust. Or regain it, or however you want to phrase it.

My eldest won’t even go through a simple homeschool assignment without throwing a fit or having a power struggle to the death.

There is no more putting it off. No. The work has to begin now!

I don’t know how long it will take, but I’m guessing more than a week.  I have been abusing their trust for a couple years or better, so I imagine rebuilding it, healing our relationship, will not be a quick process.

But, I am happy to share with other struggling Mom’s, that I am already seeing changes after one day. In fact WITHIN the first day!

Let me start by clarifying what I had been doing wrong.  I was not respecting my children’s personhood, and I was punishing rather than disciplining.  Anytime there was an accident that meant I had more work to do, i.e., spilled milk on carpet, I would freak out. Scream, yell, blame, shame. “Why did you DO that?!” And then a litany of, “Don’t you know how busy Mommy is?! Don’t you even care?!”  Ugh… It’s embarrassing to share that.  I was supposed to be the perfect Mom who had it all together. Well?  Nope. Not me. I do NOT.

So, my darling daughters are real people, with real feelings.  They’re also precious, little tiny people who don’t know much about life yet except what I teach them.  *cringe*

And what exactly have I been teaching them? Don’t trust Mommy, she’ll blow unexpectedly and often.  The world is just junk and you can expect life to be awful.  HOW SAD IS THAT?!!!!  Well, not anymore!

Today, God has given me the power to turn the tide.  Today was one of the best days of my entire life!  Today, I responded with love, patience, kindness, self-control, intentionality, and diligence.  And it’s past my bedtime so I’ll tell you all about it on tomorrow’s post.

II Corinthians 5:10,17 and 10:5